For Samsø
(and the dialogue about love that was started there).

i walk the road leading into the field.
it is lined with
a row of now leaf barren trees,
a groomed wind-block
on the southern side.
in the north
an empty field,
the harvest was taken
some months ago.
i do not know
what grew there.
what was sown and
harvested were never questions
i asked.
now,
the field is lined
with tractor marks
that have collected rain water.
in the last light of the day
the frozen pools appear as glass,
as if the sky broke
and shattered downward.
i stand silently and observe
the last of the daylight
which is caught momentarily in the
frozen surfaces.
i watch the day as it
moves with haste
and witness the approaching night
that seems too eager
to arrive.
i wonder how this field
will be
in a few months;
when the snow and rains have stopped
and the earth dries.
when the seeds are spread
and the deer mark their
crossing path once more.
how will it be
when the wind-block
refills its branches
with a green
only nature can perfect?
how will time move
then?
how will its passage appear
here in a way that mirrors
nature, but also seems displaced
and removed slightly
so that symmetry will
never truly work in this place?
what creature will
look on?
a human, no doubt;
awkward and beautiful,
equal parts fear and love.
standing as one does
when in awe, when perplexed,
when confronted
by the subtle shifts
in the natural world
that we recognize within ourselves.

For Jeremiah

i have gone within

folded my energy around myself as one might embrace a child

i left something in france
in those mountains
deep in those mountains

i am no longer jeremiah

i fought this ideas
i didn’t want to accept it
i didn’t want to believe it
even after months of transforming
after months of shedding layers
from summer
to fall
to winter
i held on

(in the dim light of the new year i finally awoke
in the early hours i opened my eyes
and i saw myself
i witnessed myself)

i wanted to return with him
i wanted to bring him back

i wanted to return with me
i wanted to bring myself back

i pleaded

come with me
i can’t be me without being you
who will i be without being you


you will be you without being me
you will hold you and only you
of you you will be

for you you will be

(in the dim light of the new year i finally awoke
in the early hours i opened my eyes
and i saw myself
i witnessed myself)

the scar had healed but it held so much pain
we reached for it
we reached to touch it

are you sure
this will hurt us
it will break us
push us apart
but growth is painful
are you sure
this will hurt us


we reached out to touch the scar

i can’t be me without being you
who will i be without being you


we reached out to touch the scar

you will try to return
there is safety here
even in heartache there is safety
the known is safe even if it is full of pain
you will try
you will want
you will crave
you will seek this
this place
you will seek me but i will be gone


i can’t

you will
when the storm passes you will allow me to remain here
in these mountains


(in the dim light of the new year i finally awoke
in the early hours i opened my eyes
and i saw myself
i witnessed myself)

lightly we touched the scar
under our gentle fingers we felt the uneven skin
the marks
the lines

a blinding light
a flash
a fire
white hot flame
a storm that raged so great
winds that blew so fierce
and rain that fell so hard
movement and shifting
movement and change
we fell downward
i fell downward
downward
the weight of these years
i was holding so much
i was stubborn

you can let go
there is no weakness is letting go
let go of this pain
release it
release me


we parted ways
we gave blessings
we took blessings

(in the dim light of the new year i finally awoke
in the early hours i opened my eyes
and i saw myself
i witnessed myself)

i entered another life
i had folded my energy around myself
as one might embrace a child
i was holding myself
for me and only me
of me i am
for me i am
in gentle whispers i sang
i sang of strength
i sang of love
i sang of renewal
of rebirth
of healing
of being healed
of being whole

you are you without being me

i am no longer jeremiah

you are no longer jeremiah

i have never seen snow

fall like this

it hangs in the air

suspended

i wonder if it is enjoying

the gentle descent

downward

the earth says

wait
i am not yet ready for you

the snow continues

and says

i am not here
for you

For August

a crow calls out in the early morning
i rise and let the cat inside
the air is frigid
he enters and tells me everything
pacing about
gently bumping his head
against my leg
i boil water
and prepare my tea
then sit on the couch
cradling the hot mug in my hands
the cat rests against me
purrs softly
then louder as he warms
i leave the lights off
it is midmorning
yet no sun reaches beyond the clouds
leaving the room dim
with soft outlines of everything
i feel a tingling of uncertainty
so many questions rise to the surface
of my mind
i close my eyes
and return to august
remembering the humidity
that hung heavy and finally broke
when a rainstorm passed
we sat in it
letting the rain cool us
we were looking at one another
still unsure
still timid
our minds running wild
craving everything
everything
that time passed too quickly
like the humidity that broke
when the rainstorm
rolled in without warning
now the air is frigid
the light dim
with soft shadows everywhere
and i am here
cradling a cup of now tepid tea
and an image of us in the rain
wanting desperately to act
on every desire

For Eszter

trees touch the early blue of dawn.
these old fingers,
bent from life and seasons
of joy and work,
are still moved
by pleasures of youth.
i enter
and wake you softly.
you, still wrapped in sleep,
warm, with
gentle sighs that tell of dreams,
of worlds not understood here,
here in waking-life.
your body, perfect to me,
extends and stretches,
exposing warm flesh.
it unfolds
and i explore your figure
as if for the first time.
i breathe in your sleep,
tracing your being
with my lips.
my body presses against yours,
my erection
reveals my thirst.
in continuous lines
i draw you with my fingertips
so as to hold this forever.