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For Susan
May 10, 1951 – September 7, 2015

there is silence now.
i walk the fields,
damp with rain and dew,
to the orchard.
and there
i pace amongst the rows
of apple and pear trees
i went there to be with the stillness.
a stillness that i attempted
to evade.
in the stillness
i am with your passing.
i can now
be with it, hold it
as one does something fragile and sacred
the stillness is palpable.
the days have slowed,
a shift in nature is present.
and it forces me to sit with that
which causes discomfort.
there is barely a breeze.
it tugs, pushes and then rests.
overheard, geese in a perfectly formed v
migrate.
i came to the stillness to hold
your passing.
you, harpist.
you, free improviser.
you, radical.
you, friend.
you, second mother.
you, nurturer.
you, gift giver.
between the rows
i stand motionless.
now and then a pear falls.
its release sends a branch
into motion;
upward and buoyant.
like a conductor’s baton
calling us back
to time, to the moment.
and then, the fruit,
maybe perfect
maybe rotten
… maybe,
… maybe.
hits the ground
with a thud,
unique
personal
perfect.
i left the known
to sit with your illness.
the knowledge of your great
rest that was coming.
with your passing
i take the gift you gave me.
a gift of delving inward.
into the raw
and divine.
a gift of awareness,
of moments and moments
strung together.
like pears hitting
the damp earth.
like a gentle gust
through rain laden leaves.
like a flock of geese
calling out to each other on
their ancient migratory route.
each moment unique.
each occurrence holding a moment
in a moment.
each one not fully adding up
the sum having nothing to do with the parts.
the parts, life in motion,
life awake,
as you rest.

Published by Jeremiah Ray

Jeremiah Ray is an interdisciplinary artist living and working in the coastal Maine region. He holds a BFA from Maine College of Art and an MFA from the School of the Art Institue of Chicago. Jeremiah works in various literary modes; however, poetry grants him a level of freedom that he has not yet found in other styles. His earlier poetic attempts were, as he attests, "far too drenched in metaphor, people would get turned off immediately." However, various life circumstances have allowed him to shed many of the layers which cloaked his previous compositions. His visual artwork is much like his life insofar as it is a constant journey of exploration and discovery. In his formative year, Jeremiah traveled extensively before undertaking any formal postsecondary education. Prior to studying art, which has been a lifelong love of his, Jeremiah initially explored music composition and performance, English and German language, and literature as potential majors. After completing his MFA, Jeremiah intended to pursue teaching. He desired to assist others in their quest to find and hone their unique language. He has always believed that art transcends oral communication and can significantly aid those seeking to express themselves nonverbally. In 2016 Jeremiah was diagnosed with advanced testicular cancer. This prompted his urgent relocation to Maine, which allowed him to be closer to his family during the months and eventually years of treatment that would follow. During the grueling months of treatment and the subsequent years managing the numerous physical and emotional side-effects from them, his work has continued to evolve, much as it has done his entire life. He has extensively documented his journey with cancer via his meticulously sustained blog (https://cyclical.life). Over the years, it has morphed into more philosophical musings on life rather than straightforward updates on his cancer journey.

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