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you are old now.
this is how
it happens, right?
all those years of working
just leading up to a couch
and a blaring television.
you hold long wisps of white hair
and eyes that look but don’t see.
your mind goes out like the tide,
it drifts off somewhere.
in that place of pause,
that place of stillness,
you ask how i was feeling.
in two decades, you haven’t.
for twenty years, you’ve looked at me
but have never seen me.
now, with your fragility
and mortality watching you,
in a small room
with a loud television,
you ask how I am feeling.
but I think you see a younger
version of yourself
tucked somewhere in me.
“how are you?”
it is in that moment of lucidity,
in the stillness where
the delicate place where alzheimer’s
has lost its grip,
where I am just a mirror.
“how are you?”
but it isn’t a question for me.
you are asking,
‘did i live? or
just exist.’
but the tide goes out,
a stillness returns,
and you resume existing.

Published by Jeremiah Ray

Jeremiah Ray is an interdisciplinary artist and writer living and working in the coastal Maine region. He has an MFA from the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. His visual artwork is much like his life insofar as it is a constant journey of exploration and discovery. In his formative years, Jeremiah traveled extensively, exploring languages and cultures to fulfill a need for both adventure and as instruments of further understanding himself. Jeremiah completed his MFA in studio art with one intention - to teach. He desired to assist others in finding and honing their unique, personal language. He has always believed that art transcends verbal communication. Discovering one's voice in an individual medium and utilizing it to articulate nonverbally is the greatest obstacle and the most potent ability. In 2016 Jeremiah was diagnosed with advanced testicular cancer. This drastically shifted his perspective on art, visual and written, and solidified his firm belief that they are indeed a universal language. Straddled with the emotional burden of a cancer diagnosis, Jeremiah became increasingly aware that he often lacked the adequate vocabulary to understand and share his experiences fully. As such, during the most trying time in his life, he set the task of answering two core questions. First, what is vulnerability? And secondly, how do I communicate this with others? Still in recovery, Jeremiah has retained these as primary questions when beginning a project, understanding that vulnerability is intrinsic to being human and transcends language and culture.

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